I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
