your room smells of hookers.
And success
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
