my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
