Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
