Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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