dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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