But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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