I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
