he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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