so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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