hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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