and my herpes radar will keep us safe
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
