Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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