make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
