my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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