Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
