Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
