Your tits are I can't wait for
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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