I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
