when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
