your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
