I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Randomize
