Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
