Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
