if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
