She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
