Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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