oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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