i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
