doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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