Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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