With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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