Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
