EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Randomize