I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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