we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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