Betty ford says i'm here all night
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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