watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
