I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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