this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We named our party play list daddy issues
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
