Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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