he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
