bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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