farters have to be the big spoon...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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