Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
