If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
