I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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