do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
