someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
