so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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