Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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