but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
