I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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