I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my being single is dangerous.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
