so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
