Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
