His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
